Playing For Keeps
by neo-chan
Summary: A fic in which Yamato is addicted to sex and Booster Juice, and Tai is addicted to Yamato. [Taito]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** A fic in which Yamato is addicted to sex and Booster Juice, and Tai is addicted to Yamato.

 **WARNINGS:** Swearing, sex, etc.

 **Playing for Keeps  
Prologue  
**by: neo-chan

Yamato Ishida is a slut.

There's really not much else to it than that. He's a slut, plain and simple. He's not your average slut, I'll admit; he does have standards, and he's not reckless when it comes to sex. But he believes that where there's a mutual attraction, there's no reason not to indulge.

Yamato Ishida is also my best friend. How did I come to be friends with one of the biggest manwhores ever, you ask? Well, he wasn't always such a slut.

Yamato and I go way back. We met in elementary school and initially clashed, but it was more of a rivalry than anything and our bickering turned into banter and our rivalry into comradery as the years went on. By the time we were in seventh grade, we were inseparable. It was a few years later, in the middle of high school, that Yamato suddenly transformed into one of the most gorgeous guys on this planet. His blonde hair and blue eyes had always been there, but suddenly his hair was made of golden feathers and his eyes were pools of brilliant sapphire. His skinny limbs turned into a beautifully slender body and his pearly smile became accentuated by the cheekbones he had grown into perfectly. Girls began fawning over him, and no one could blame them for it. When Yamato casually came out as bisexual, the guys began fawning over him, too, and that was it; basically everyone he encountered wanted him. Now he's twenty years old and has probably slept with half of those people—although he's narrowed his preference down to just guys now, so the female population who hasn't slept with him yet has lost their chance.

Everyone loves a pretty face (and body), but that's only half of the equation. What makes Yamato's allure so widespread is his looks plus his persona. He has a natural, casual charisma and is witty and smart, and he also happens to be an amazing singer. He's the frontman of a band he started in high school called The Teenage Wolves, and when he's on stage, he owns the entire room. Yup, Yamato is the entire package.

Me? I'm just plain old Taichi Yagami. Okay, okay—I'm not so plain; I'm one of the top players on our college's soccer team, and I'm pretty good-looking, too, if I do say so myself. But I'm nothing compared to Yamato. And, unfortunately, being his best friend doesn't make me immune to his allure. I've had feelings for Yamato ever since I realized that I like guys as well as girls.

As you can imagine, it kills me that he's such a slut—especially since I'm the one person he talks to about everything, and I mean **everything**. My head is filled with tidbits about his sex life; for instance, I know that his last bedroom partner liked to moan "Sugar" instead of Yamato's name when he fucked him. The guy he was with before that has a fetish about cumming in bellybuttons, and the one prior to that was obsessed with hygiene and wouldn't suck Yamato's dick unless Yamato showered first. Granted, hearing about some of his weirder partners is amusing, but through the amusement there's always a twinge of jealousy in my gut.

It really is painful, though, to be in love with him—and not just because I have to hear the details of his love life. It's painful because he's unintentionally made it very clear that I'm just a friend to him and will never be anything more. He laughs when anyone asks if we're dating and brushes it off carelessly with a "God, no, he's my best friend". On one occasion, he actually said while joking about his own promiscuity that I'm one of the very few people he'll never have sex with. He doesn't know how much that stung.

Regardless, I've still got this silly little hope buried deep down inside of me that one day he'll see me as more than a friend and that I'll be the one he changes his promiscuous ways for. No one knows this, of course, because it's stupid and I'd rather suffer in silence than fuck up our friendship. Besides, with the extensive list of various flaws that Yamato finds bothersome in a partner, it's doubtful that we would last as a couple even if he **did** decide that he wanted to attempt an exclusive, long-term relationship.

So I just suck it up and deal with the fact that I'm in love with my best friend, the slut. Maybe when we're seventy-five and he has a lower sex drive and is all ugly and wrinkly, I'll tell him. My chances will be better then, right?

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**


	2. Chapter 2

**Playing for Keeps  
Chapter 1  
**by: neo-chan

I barely blinked when a golden-haired figure entered my room out of the corner of my eye and headed straight for my bed, flopping down on his back and announcing, "I just dumped Elliot."

This was a weekly ritual. Whenever Yamato got tired of his fuck buddy, he would promptly dump them and then come straight to me to tell me every excruciating detail about the guy's inadequate bedroom skills. He would then ask if I wanted to go to the on-campus Booster Juice.

"What was wrong with him?" I asked compulsively, still not bothering to look up from my laptop. A quick glance at the date, though, told me that this break-up was slightly premature; it had only been three days. Something must have **really** been wrong with him.

"He said he wants to wait to have sex," Yamato revealed, rolling his eyes. "And that would be fine if he could give decent head, but I've seen guys suck popsicles better than that."

I couldn't help but snicker. "Well, he probably hasn't gotten much action; after all, didn't he live on a farm or something before he moved here?"

"Yeah, but farm boys are usually all horny and eager because the only dick they're exposed to is found in a stable."

I nearly choked on my own spit but recovered, although I nearly fell off of my desk chair with laughter.

Yamato laughed in spite of himself, grinning cheekily, but insisted, "Seriously, the country guys I've been with before have been nymphos. Obviously Elliot is the one exception to that rule. Good luck to him finding a boyfriend."

"Well, not all of us have over-active sex drives," I half-teased, finally spinning around in my chair to face him.

"I have a perfectly normal sex drive," Yamato declared, and then rolled over onto his stomach and raised an eyebrow at me. "Speaking of sex… when's the last time **you** got laid?"

"Um… I don't know," I said, thinking. I don't date nearly as much as I probably should, and I hook up even less. "A few weeks ago, maybe? A month?"

Yamato's eyes widened dramatically. "A **month**? God. You're the strongest person I know, Tai."

I laughed and shook my head. "It's really not that big of a deal. Besides, sex is better when you actually have feelings for the person, and I haven't really gotten to know anyone lately."

"Lust is a feeling," Yamato said matter-of-factly, and I gave him a look.

"Anyway, want to go to Booster Juice?" Yamato asked as expected.

I heaved out a sigh. "I'm going to go bankrupt because of you, you know."

"I'll buy?" Yamato offered, which happens about twenty percent of the time.

I closed my laptop and sighed again. "Fine."

Without further adieu, we left the house. Yamato and I share a townhouse on residence with three other people. We opted for dorm life our first year, but it soon became very clear that Yamato needed more privacy than that. I went to extreme lengths that first year to avoid walking in on Yamato having sex. He thought it was because I would feel awkward but really, it was because I would lose my fucking mind if I saw someone in bed with him. Hearing about it is one thing; seeing it would be another.

Yamato and I chatted mindlessly on our walk to the campus food court, and when we got to Booster Juice we stood there for a few minutes as usual, trying to decide what to get. One of the guys behind the counter noticed our indecisiveness and made a suggestion, and he happened to be very cute, and before I knew it he and Yamato were flirting while I patiently stood by and waited. They predictably ended up exchanging numbers and as Yamato and I finally walked away with our Booster Juice, Yamato turned around and shared one last flirty smile with the guy. It looked like the cycle was about to begin again already…

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Oh my God, you suck so badly at lacing strings. How do you tie your shoelaces? **Do** you tie your shoelaces?"

"Shut up," I said, whacking Yamato's leg. "You're lucky I'm doing this for you in the first place."

"I should have asked Lyle." Lyle is one of our housemates, and he's madly in lust with Yamato, therefore will do virtually anything Yamato asks.

"Lyle would have wound up jumping you," I pointed out. "And then you would either end up being late or looking disheveled for the show."

"No I wouldn't, because I'm not interested in Lyle, so I wouldn't **let** him jump me," Yamato corrected me matter-of-factly. "He's too scrawny."

"Yeah, he **does** kind of look like a skeleton," I agreed. "His ribs poke out of his chest. It's scary."

"Exactly. So I guess I **am** kind of lucky I have you here, since you're the only non-straight guy I know who doesn't want to fuck me."

The best way to respond to these kinds of comments was to redirect the conversation or make light of it while ignoring the pain in my chest.

"Anyone who saw you with your stupid fifth grade haircut wouldn't want to fuck you," I joked.

Yamato swatted my shoulder. "Oh, shut up. I wouldn't talk if I were you; you had the most ridiculously chubby cheeks in grade five."

"Yeah, and parents thought I was adorable. Parents thought **you** were just a weirdo."

"They did not," Yamato half-laughed and pinched my shoulder. I retaliated by pinching some of the skin on his leg that wasn't covered yet, and he yelped.

"Ow! That hurt!"

"You pinched me first."

"I didn't pinch you that hard!"

"Yeah you did; I just have clothing on, so it didn't have the same effect."

"I have clothing on, too, asshole. You didn't have to purposely choose the one section of my skin that's showing."

I pinched the skin above his knee. "There, is that better?"

A sigh came from the doorway, and we both looked to find Yamato's drummer Hideki standing there. "Are you seriously still getting ready?" he asked Yamato in disbelief.

It was an hour before The Teenage Wolves were set to be on stage, and we hadn't even left the house yet. When Yamato's bandmates had arrived, Yamato had been styling his hair. After twenty minutes, they had given up and gone to watch TV downstairs in the living room. Now I was helping Yamato with his pants, which were fastened at the sides with string that went all the way down his leg. I had to lace the pants up (or down, really, because I had started at the top) and then tie the strings nicely at the bottom. Apparently I was so harmless that Yamato didn't think twice about asking me to do such a task. Anyway, I had now finished one leg, but I still had to do the other.

"It's Tai's fault," Yamato said at the same time that I said, "It's Yamato's fault for buying lace-up pants."

"I didn't think it would take you this long," Yamato said to me.

"Who the hell buys lace-up pants?" I said incredulously to Hideki. "No, no—who **sells** lace-up pants? Where the hell did you get these?" I demanded, turning back to Yamato.

"Stop talking and hurry up!" he exclaimed.

I glared at him, but continued to lace up the other side of his pants. "Never again," I muttered.

"You two are ridiculous," Hideki sighed, and then left to go back downstairs.

I wasn't **surprised** by the lace-up pants, mind you. Yamato likes to show skin. Along with his black lace-up pants, he was wearing a dark blue button-up shirt that was buttoned down to almost his bellybutton. And when he isn't showing skin, he makes sure to wear the tightest clothing possible. He owns a pair of leather pants that have sent me to the bathroom halfway through his set more than once.

"So are you guys playing the new song or what?" I asked Yamato as I continued to lace up his other pantleg. He had written a new song lately and the band had practiced it for the show only to come to the conclusion that they probably needed more practice. It needed "fine-tuning", apparently.

"We still haven't decided," Yamato revealed. "Hiro thinks it's too rough."

Hiro, one of the two guitarists in the band, was a perfectionist when it came to the band and he always became downright paranoid when it was time for a show. He was downstairs stretching his fingers as we spoke, lest he should suddenly get a hand cramp and be unable to press with his finger in the correct fret.

"It sounded good to me," I said.

"You don't exactly have a critical ear when it comes to the band."

It was true; I was biased. A trainwreck would sound good to me as long as Yamato's voice was singing over it.

"There!" I cried excitedly, jumping to my feet and gesturing to the finished product (Yamato's legs) with a flourish. "Done!"

Yamato went to look in the mirror and nodded in approval. "Okay, good. Now I just have to put a little more mousse in my hair and then we can leave!"

It took Yamato fifteen minutes to put more mousse in his hair, and then we finally piled into Hiro's van and began making our way to the venue.

"Hey, check it out," Shin, the lead guitarist, said to me; twisting his body around from the passenger seat (he had called shotgun) and lifting his shirt up to flash me his chest. "I got my nipple pierced!"

"Hey, that's actually pretty cool," I said, leaning closer to take a better look. Myself and Yamato's bandmates are very comfortable with each other, having known each other for several years now.

"He almost convinced me to get mine done too," Yamato said casually, and my brain crashed at the thought of Yamato with a nipple piercing.

"Yeah, but then he chickened out," Shin snickered.

"I did not," Yamato huffed. "I just don't know if I want a permanent hole through my nipple."

"It's probably better this way anyway," Shin said. "If you got your nipple pierced, your fans would all burst spontaneously into orgasms and then the floor would be all wet and people would be slipping and we'd have a lawsuit on our hands."

"That's the most disgusting image I've ever had to think of, thank you."

People slipping on bodily fluids definitely calmed whatever excitement the talk of Yamato's possible nipple ring had brought, and I mentioned, "I saw a girl who had the corner of her eye pierced the other day. It looked cute."

"Reza just got piercings on both sides of her collarbone," Shin told me. Reza is a collective friend of the band. She started out as their star-struck fan in high school, and then grew to be a cool friend. "It looks really cool."

"Maybe I should get my tongue pierced," Yamato said thoughtfully, and my mind went straight into the gutter again.

We got to the venue just in time, and the band went backstage while I went in search of people I knew. Out of mine and Yamato's shared friends, I was pretty sure the only person who had been able to make it out was Mimi; she had mentioned that her new friend Ida was in love with Yamato and that she would be accompanying Ida to the show. I texted Mimi to ask her where she was and she responded promptly, and we managed to meet up before The Teenage Wolves' set actually began. However, I slightly regretted meeting up with Mimi and her friend once the show began, because Mimi's friend Ida screamed her head off endlessly. I wound up telling them that I was going to get a drink and simply moving to somewhere that I could actually hear the music over the screaming.

Yamato was flawless up on stage as usual, and although they didn't play the new song, they played an updated version of one of their old songs, which pleased the fans. Also, I guess I hadn't pulled the strings of Yamato's pants tight enough, because they loosened throughout the set and there was considerably more skin showing by the end of their set than there had been at the beginning. Not that anyone minded.

After they finished playing, I went to see if Ida had passed out from all her screaming, and was talking with Mimi and Ida when Yamato popped up behind us.

"Hey, Meems!" he greeted, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. Mimi uttered an equally pleasant greeting and Ida's eyes grew as wide as saucers and she became frozen in place.

"Who's your friend?" Yamato asked, noticing Ida. That just worsened her state.

"This is Ida," Mimi said. "She's kind of a huge fan."

"Oh, cool." Yamato flashed his pearly smile at Ida. "Nice to meet you."

Ida opened her mouth, then shut it, then resumed staring dumbly at Yamato.

"We're having an after-party at Shin's place," Yamato told Mimi. "You guys should come."

"Uh, I think I might have to take Ida home," Mimi said, looking at Ida doubtfully.

"Okay, well, text me if you need directions. We're going there now." Yamato took hold of my arm and waved to the girls before tugging me away, causing me to call out a belated "Bye!" to them.

We piled back into Hiro's van and stopped at the liquor store, then went to Shin's place. Within half an hour, the main floor of his house was packed. Another half hour from then, everyone was drunk.

I had lost Yamato in the crowd and was chatting amiably with a group of strangers when Yamato popped out of nowhere and wrapped his arm around mine, tugging me up from the couch I was sitting on.

"Come!" he said urgently. "We're playing a game upstairs!"

He dragged me all the way upstairs and to Shin's room, where there were about ten other people, all of whom I recognized; they were all good friends of the band. Yamato shut the door behind us and then plopped down on the floor, and I followed his lead.

"Okay," a girl named Jessie began, her words slightly slurred. "Everyone knows the rules, right? You say something you haven't done and whoever has done it takes a sip of their drink. So… I'll go first. Never have I ever… drank an entire twenty-sixer in one night."

The game very quickly went from harmless statements to either purposely victimizing statements (such as Shin's "never have I ever been so wasted that I pissed my pants and then poured a beer on myself to pretend it was just a spill", which was aimed at Hideki, who glared daggers at Shin and took an obligatory sip of his drink) or statements which would surely embarrass anyone who drank to it (such as "Never have I ever masturbated in a public bathroom stall"… which I unfortunately had to drink to, which made Yamato laughed mirthfully and exclaim "You, Taichi? Really?", and I successfully bit my tongue to keep from telling him that it was his fault).

"Never have I ever kissed a girl," a girl named Anita said, and every guy in the room plus Jessie and Reza drank. Reza was no big surprise, because she was openly into both guys and girls, but everyone "Ooh"-ed when Jessie drank.

"Oh, get over it," Jessie said, laughing.

"You've kissed a girl?" Hiro asked Yamato.

Yamato shrugged. "Yeah, lots."

"As if Yamato discriminates," Shin said with a snort, and Yamato shoved him playfully.

"Seriously, though," Yamato said to Hiro, clarifying; "I only stopped being into girls a couple of years ago."

"Ooh, I have a good one!" Hideki exclaimed suddenly. "Never have I ever kissed Yamato!"

The room erupted into laughter, and the laughter only increased when every guy in the room except for me and Hideki took a drink.

"Oh my God, **Reza**?" Jessie squealed, falling over in laughter when Reza took a sip.

"We were drunk," Reza shrugged with a sheepish laugh. She then looked at me and said, "Hey, wait, Tai didn't drink!"

"That's because we've never kissed," Yamato said matter-of-factly.

A couple of jaws dropped.

"Lies!" Reza exclaimed.

"No, it's true," I confirmed, effectively suppressing any bitter emotions I was feeling at that moment.

"Oh my God, **change of game**!" Reza practically screamed. "Spin the bottle!"

No one objected, shuffling around to create a makeshift circle in the room. Hideki chugged the rest of the beer he was drinking and put the bottle in the middle of the circle, and Shin reached out to spin the bottle first—only, he did it too hard and wound up sending the bottle flying to the outside of the circle. Everyone cracked up and once the bottle was secured back inside the circle, a guy named Joni reached out to spin it instead. It landed on Jessie and they crawled toward each other and kissed, and the game began.

Despite all the kissing that followed, Reza's apparent goal of getting Yamato and I to kiss wasn't happening. Yamato spun the bottle for the second—third?—time and for a second it looked like it was going to stop on me, but then it stopped on Shin, who was sitting beside me. Shin opened his arms and wiggled his eyebrows at Yamato.

"Come to papa, baby!" he said, and everyone burst into laughter.

Yamato made his way over, hindered slightly by his giggling, and half-fell into Shin's lap as he leaned in to press their lips together. I knew that he and Shin had fooled around before, multiple times, and even if Yamato hadn't told me that, it wasn't hard to tell; they were extremely comfortable touching each other, and there was familiarity in the way they kissed. Jealousy was burning at full-force inside of me by the time they separated, and rather than going back to his side of the circle, Yamato instead squeezed in between myself and Shin.

"Hey, you're not allowed to move places during the game!" Jessie exclaimed.

"I didn't," Yamato insisted, which was absolutely ridiculous because he had clearly done so.

"Then why is there an empty spot there?" Jessie pointed at where Yamato had come from.

"I don't know," Yamato said casually, and I began laughing, unable to stop myself. Shin was laughing, too, and Yamato grinned.

"Okay—everyone spread out!" Jessie called out dramatically.

It only took a little bit of shifting to close the gap Yamato had left, and Shin was still snickering once we were re-arranged. "You're such a little shit-disturber," he said to Yamato.

Yamato shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, I had to tell Taichi a secret," he said. Yamato has a habit of calling me Taichi when he's drunk, and the way he says it is the hottest thing ever.

"A secret?" I asked curiously as Shin spun the bottle, resuming the game.

Yamato nodded eagerly and leaned in toward me, cupping his hands around his mouth and whispering in my ear, "I thought the bottle was going to land on you."

I completely disregarded the fact that it was hardly a secret and nodded in agreement. "Me too."

Yamato nodded too and then leaned even closer, swaying slightly and accidentally brushing my ears with his lips, which sent a shiver up my spine. He put a hand on my thigh to steady himself, which made things ten times worse, and then he whispered more quietly in my ear, "I kind of wanted it to."

I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat and tried to keep track of what was going on with the game, although it was futile; my entire brain was focused on Yamato's hand on my thigh and his hot breath on my ear… not to mention what he had just said. "Why?" I asked hoarsely.

"Just because," Yamato said nonchalantly. His grip on my thigh tightened, though, and he asked in a lower tone, "Are you really so unattracted to me that you haven't even **considered** kissing me, ever?"

There was no right answer. If I lied, it would sound mean. If I told the truth, it might blow my cover. I hoped for some kind of sudden diversion to tear Yamato's attention away but the rest of the room wasn't paying any attention to us and, likewise, Yamato wasn't paying any attention to anything else but the conversation we were having.

"I think it's normal for people who are as close as us to entertain something like that," I eventually said, trying to sound as casual as possible.

Yamato narrowed his eyes at me. "That's not an answer, Taichi."

Oh my God, did he **have** to say my name like that?

"That's because it doesn't matter," I said, pretending to be very interested in who was spinning the bottle at that moment.

"It matters for statistical purposes," Yamato said, over-enunciating the word "statistical" in his drunkenness. I was impressed that he was able to pronounce it correctly in his drunkenness in the first place, so it lost none of its effect—though the statement was complete nonsense anyway, and I openly laughed.

"Statistical purposes?" I echoed, raising an amused eyebrow.

Yamato huffed in annoyance and, raising his voice in his impatience, said loudly; "Have you thought about kissing me or not?"

Instead of a diversion tearing Yamato's attention away, instead his loud question made the entire room draw their attention to us. I could feel my face getting hot and I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I answered, no longer able to avoid it; "Well, yeah."

"So why don't you two just kiss, then?" Reza exclaimed, not even bothering to hide the fact that our conversation was being observed.

"Because we're best friends!" Yamato said brightly, moving away from me now that he was apparently pleased with my answer. "And always will be. Right, Taichi?"

"Exactly," I said.

"But you two will kiss if the bottle says so?" Jessie asked for clarification.

Both Yamato and I nodded.

"…you two are **so** weird," Reza sighed. "Anyway—I'm tired of this game! Let's go back downstairs!"

So we gathered our drinks, trying not to spill them, and herded downstairs, trying not to fall on the way. We all made it in one piece and the night from there onward was a blur.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**


	3. Chapter 3

**Playing for Keeps  
Chapter 2  
**by: neo

When I woke up the next day and remembered Yamato's strange inquiry, I only allowed myself to dwell on it for a few minutes before brushing it out of my mind. There was no use in analyzing it; I already knew Yamato had no actual interest in me, so there was no point in stirring any hope up.

Our mid-terms were coming up and on the Friday before our mid-terms began, most of our professors gave us progress reports, telling us the grade we would be going into the midterm with. I was pretty pleased with the marks I was getting, but Yamato was a different story.

"I think I'm failing my politics class," Yamato said with a pout as he collapsed onto the living room couch.

I frowned, because Yamato had always done well in school. "Which politics class?" I asked.

He wrinkled his nose. "I don't know. International Relations, I think. I'm only taking it because I need to take something in that category."

"If you don't even know which class it is for sure, then yeah, you're probably failing," I said dryly.

"Seriously," Yamato complained. "My prof told me that if I don't get at least 80% on the midterm, then I'm pretty much fucked for the rest of the semester. It's worth forty percent of our grade and it's going to consist of two essay questions, and we're going to have one hour for each essay. That's how much detail he wants us to go into. I'm entirely screwed."

"Did he **actually** say 'you're fucked for the rest of the semester'?"

Yamato glared at me. "Tai."

I held up my hands in defense. "I was just wondering. Anyway, why are you failing? Did you not go to any of the classes?"

"It's an evening class," Yamato said, which explained a lot. There was rarely an evening that Yamato wasn't out having sex or having band practice or playing a show or partying. Then again, there were other classes that Yamato regularly skipped—usually the morning classes that came after his nights out—, and he was doing just fine in those classes.

"Okay, well, do you at least keep up with the readings?"

Yamato's guilty-but-not-apologetic look told me all I needed to know.

"Well, for fuck's sake, of course you're failing," I said, rolling my eyes. "What do you want **me** to do about it?"

"I don't know," Yamato sighed, sprawling out on the couch despite the fact that I was also sitting there, and thus draping his legs over my lap. He looked toward the TV and we were both silent for a few moments, watching the screen. Then he asked, "Didn't you take some politics courses in our first year?"

"Yeah, but those are mainly introductory; they don't go into much depth. And besides, the closest they came to 'international affairs' was talking about the global economy. But, hey, if you want my notes, I'll gladly give them to you."

"Can't you just, like… teach me what you know?" Yamato asked hopefully.

I gave him a look of disbelief. "Are you kidding? I have my own midterms to study for. I'm not going to sit down and tell you everything I learned in my first-year politics courses just because you're too lazy to go through my notes. And if you're going to bother going through my notes, you might as well just do the readings for your course because they'll be more relevant, so it doesn't even make sense!"

Yamato pouted and didn't reply, and something dawned on me.

"Wait—why don't you just ask someone in your class for notes?" I asked, shaking my head.

"I don't know anyone in that class because I never go," was his response.

"So? Send out a mass e-mail. I know everyone hates them, but you're bound to get a reply. I'm sure you'll find at least one person who likes your band and will give you notes based on that alone."

"I guess," Yamato sighed.

He looked at the TV and we were both silent for a few minutes, watching. Something wasn't right about the situation, though, and I found myself frowning. Sure, Yamato was failing a class and was entitled to be bummed out, but it seemed like there was something else contributing to his ordeal. Usually he would suck it up and spend all weekend catching up on readings and studying, but instead there was a defeated air surrounding him. I studied him for a moment and then asked, "What's wrong?"

"Failing a class, remember?" he muttered sarcastically, not looking away from the screen.

"You know what I mean," I said, giving him a look that he would **feel** even if he didn't see it.

Yamato didn't respond at first, but then after a moment he pulled himself up to a sitting position and took his legs off of my lap, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs. He rested his chin on top of his knees but didn't meet my eyes.

"It's embarrassing," he mumbled.

"It's just me," I reminded him.

"Believe me, I would never tell anyone **but** you about this." Yamato hugged his legs tighter and then asked, "You know the guy I just broke up with because he snores?"

"Yeah…?"

"Well, apparently snoring wasn't his only problem."

I blinked at Yamato. "…so… what was the other problem?"

Yamato gave me a miserable look and said, slowly and almost painfully; "I was having… symptoms… so I went to the clinic…" He gave me a meaningful look.

I stared at him blankly for a moment, and then it clicked. "Oh, shit," I said in sympathetic surprise.

"Yeah." Yamato frowned down at the couch.

"Well, is it…" I cleared my throat. "You know… curable?"

"If it wasn't, I don't know what I'd do. But still. I feel… gross." Yamato shivered slightly. "I mean… I know I kind of have sex with a lot of people, but… well, I don't want to be that kind of person. The one that people look at and think 'He's hot but I don't want to touch him because I might get a disease'."

"Oh my God, Yama. People aren't going to think you're a dirty hooker because you got one STI. People aren't even going to **know.** "

"I know, but I feel like they'll just be able to **tell**. What if people already assume I'm STI-ridden and just take their chances because they want to get laid? I don't want people to think that about me."

My heart was melting, because as unfortunate as the situation was, and as bad I felt that Yamato felt this way, his self-consciousness and vulnerability in that moment were making me fall for him impossibly more. Yamato rarely showed that he cared what other people thought and while I knew he secretly did, hearing his self-doubt out loud was making it hit home.

I moved over and grabbed him into a hug. "Well, if it helps, **I** don't think you're a dirty whore," I said. "And I really don't think there would be a line of people waiting to fuck you if they really thought you were STI-ridden."

Yamato shook his head, but the corners of his mouth were turned slightly upwards. "Tai, I think you're the only person in the world who would hug me right after I just told you I have an STI."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not like your infected dick is going to pop through both your clothing and mine and somehow attack me."

Yamato burst out laughing, and I did too upon reviewing my words, and once we both calmed down Yamato was grinning.

"Tai, I love you," he said, wrapping his arms around me tightly and squeezing.

My heart fluttered, but I reminded myself that he only meant it in a platonic way. Still, it meant a lot. "I love you too," I said, squeezing him back. "So… are we going to study for your midterm or what, you slacker?"

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

I helped Yamato study and he wound up getting seventy-three percent on his mid-term, which wasn't bad considering he had learned the course material in only three days; and now that he was caught up, he declared that he would stay on track. Seeing as he planned to do well on the last few assignments in the course, it didn't matter that he had gotten a seventy-three instead of an eighty, so he wasn't "entirely screwed" anymore.

Yamato did exceedingly well on his other mid-terms, mostly because he had nothing else to do but sit at home and study. Everyone else was also studying for mid-terms and while Shin probably would have ditched studying to party, Yamato didn't really feel like partying because he would want to hook up with someone and he couldn't until his infection cleared up. Luckily it wasn't long until he was cleared by his doctor; by the time the week of midterms ended, he had been on antibiotics for the full seven days they had been prescribed for, so he went back to the clinic and they told him that the infection was gone. I expected Yamato to immediately grab me and drag me off to some crazy party, but he didn't; instead, he and I just chilled at home and watched movies with one of our housemates, Miles. Yamato had band practice the next day and, again, I anticipated him going straight from band practice to some party and calling me from the party to tell me to come—but, again, he surprised me; he came home afterward and the only 'going out' we did was going to get food. I was so thrown off by his behaviour that, later that evening, I couldn't help but call him out on it.

"So… did the guys not feel like going out?" I asked him as we lounged in my room. Miles was downstairs using the living room with some friends, so we couldn't watch TV and thus were doing a whole lot of nothing in my room. Not that I minded; Yamato and I were good at passing time together and enjoying it regardless of what we were doing.

"They're out right now," Yamato revealed. "They tried to convince me to come, but I told them I wasn't feeling well."

"Why?"

"Because I don't feel like it," Yamato said simply.

"Yeah, but why?" I asked. "I mean, you always feel like partying. Not to mention you haven't had sex in over a week now, which I thought would be the end of the world for you."

Yamato shoved me half-heartedly. "Shut up. If you must know, I decided to take a break."

"A break?" I echoed. "From what?"

"From sex," Yamato said, shrugging.

My eyebrows shot up. " **You**? Take a break from **sex**? Impossible."

Yamato laughed and shoved me harder this time. "Seriously! I mean," he said, voice growing more serious, "I know that an STI can happen to anyone, but having a lot of bedroom partners definitely doesn't help. And I really don't want that to happen again. So… yeah."

"Well, you could still go out and party **without** hooking up with someone," I pointed out.

"Yeah, except that I get insanely horny when I'm drunk." Yamato heaved out a sigh. "So I'm just going to avoid going out with the band for now."

"Yama, that's ridiculous," I said with a snort. "I'm sure you can suck it up and manage to have fun without hooking up with someone. If you're really that worried that your willpower will slip once you're drunk, then just stick by me and I'll stop you," I suggested.

"Then I'll probably just end up hitting on **you** , and that'll be a disaster."

The only place I could picture Yamato hitting on me was in my dreams, and I gave him a skeptical look. "You really think you would hit on me?"

"If I was drunk and horny? Yeah. You say that like the idea is completely preposterous," Yamato said, giving me a confused look.

"Well, I thought it **was**. I mean, we always talk about how I'm the one person you'll never fuck. And you've been drunk and horny lots of times and never hit on me," I added.

"Because I always found someone else to hit on," was Yamato's nonchalant response. "But if I'm trying not to hook up with random people, then I guarantee you'll be my main target."

My body temperature was rising as we spoke, because I couldn't believe Yamato was basically saying that he would have already hooked up with me if there weren't other people to distract him. He made it sound like I was his first choice… but that couldn't be right, could it?

"I thought you said you'd never fuck me," I pointed out again, seeing as he hadn't addressed that little problem.

He snorted. "I never said that. **You** said **you'd** never fuck me. You say it almost every fucking day, actually," he added dryly.

"So the only reason you talk about us never fucking is because—?"

"Because you're not interested. Yeah."

I used every ounce of willpower in my body to stop myself from telling him that I was so interested in him that I could barely think of anything else.

"So, yeah, that's not going to work," Yamato continued, going back to talking about the initial plan. "Because I'll just end up trying to drunkenly seduce you, and it'll be embarrassing for me and super awkward for you, and neither one of us will benefit from it. So… what's plan B?"

I was still stuck on his previous words, though. Yamato was ready and willing to fuck me, and the only reason we hadn't fucked by then was because he thought I wasn't attracted to him. Holy fuck.

Yamato poked me. "Plan B," he prompted me. "Unless you agree that I should just stay at home indefinitely. Which I don't actually want to do."

"Um…" I still couldn't believe what I had just learned, but I tried to tell myself that it wasn't as earth-shattering as it seemed; after all, so what if Yamato would fuck me? He would fuck basically any attractive guy. It didn't mean anything. "You could not drink?" I suggested, my brain finally functioning again.

He gave me a look. "Something **possible** , please."

"Well…" I regretted my next words the moment they came out of my mouth. "Why don't you get a real boyfriend?"

Yamato blinked at me, then looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Hm. That actually isn't a bad idea. Then I can still have as much sex as I want; it'll just be with one person."

 _What the hell did you just do?_ My brain screamed at me. _Did you seriously just suggest that Yamato find someone permanent? How the hell are you ever going to make him fall in love with you if you're pushing him into someone else's arms? You've been waiting for him to settle down for years so you could have a chance, and now you blew it! Idiot!_

"Yeah, as long as you can get used to having sex with just one person," I said.

He shrugged. "Well, if it's the right person, I guess I could. But how the hell do I find a guy who doesn't just want me for my body?"

I resisted the urge to point to myself and instead said, "Well, you'd have to get to know him first, and let him fall for your personality before you hop into bed."

Yamato wrinkled his nose. "What if I do all that and he ends up being terrible in bed? I'll have wasted all that time."

"Welcome to the real world," I half-joked.

Yamato made a face at me. "As if you would know," he said after a moment. "You haven't dated in God-knows-how-long."

Yeah, because it was impossible for me to have feelings for anyone but him.

"I'm just not interested in dating right now," I lied.

"You're not interested in dating in college? What are you, asexual? At least that would explain you not being attracted to me," Yamato joked.

I laughed. "Shut up. I told you; if I showed your fifth-grade picture to someone you were fucking, they would kick you out of bed."

Yamato whacked me with a pillow, and I grabbed another pillow and whacked him back, and when our roommate Dylan came to the door we were in the middle of a full-fledged pillow fight.

He sighed. "Honestly, you guys are so fucking weird. Anyway, Lyle wants to have a party tomorrow night and he wanted to make sure everyone's okay with it before he starts telling people. You guys down?"

"Sure," I said with a shrug, and Yamato echoed me. Dylan nodded and walked away, and Yamato whacked me one more time with the pillow before flopping down next to me.

"Dammit," he complained. "If we're going to have a party, any hope of me not fucking some random guy is out the window."

"You're giving up that easily?" I half-laughed.

"I have to build up a tolerance," was Yamato's rationalization. "I thought that maybe if I went a few weeks without sex, I would be able to make it through a party without hooking up. But this is too soon."

"You're ridiculous," I sighed.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**


	4. Chapter 4

**Playing for Keeps  
Chapter 3  
**by: neo-chan

To make up for the fact that he hadn't gone out with the band the previous night, Yamato invited them to the party—not that he wouldn't have invited them anyway. They showed up armed with Yamato's favourite alcohol—Goldschlager—because he had been a "downer" lately. True to his word, I was the only person Yamato had told about his STI, so everyone else had no idea why he was acting so out of character. Anyway, seeing as they had brought Goldschlager, it was impossible for Yamato to stay sober for longer than half an hour after they arrived. Soon he was giggling and slurring and over-pronouncing my name in a way that shouldn't have made me as horny as it did.

"Taichi, I'm sleeping in your bed tonight," Yamato announced as he sat down on the porch step next to me and leaned against my side. He loosely hooked his arm through mine and rested his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes briefly.

Shin, who was standing in front of me smoking a cigarette, wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at me and I rolled my eyes and lightly smacked his leg.

"Why are you sleeping in my bed?" I asked Yamato for clarification.

"Because I want to sleep next to a warm body, and you're always warm." He snuggled against my side more. "So warm," he murmured, and I cursed myself mentally when a shiver ran down my spine.

"Can I sleep with you guys too?" Shin joked, smirking.

"Nah, Taichi's mine," Yamato said, hugging my arm tighter.

Shin grinned at me and I ignored him.

"As long as you don't hog the covers," I wound up saying to Yamato.

"If I hog the covers, it'll be to put them over my head to try and drown out your snoring," Yamato said.

"What?" I furrowed my brow. "Since when do I snore?"

"Um, since always?" Yamato opened his eyes and looked at me like I was crazy.

"I don't snore," I declared.

"Yes, you do, Taichi," Yamato said matter-of-factly, and I resisted the urge to tell him to stop saying my name.

"Seriously?" I asked in disbelief. "Like—all the time?"

"Yup," Yamato said, nodding. "How could you not know this?"

"Because no one ever told me!" I exclaimed. "How come **you** never told me?"

Yamato shrugged. "I don't know; I thought you knew."

"But you **hate** snoring," I pointed out. "Hell, you just **dumped** a guy for snoring!"

"Well, yeah, because he was snoring obnoxiously."

"And I **don't** snore obnoxiously?" I said with a laugh.

"No; your snoring is more like heavy breathing. It's kind of soothing sometimes, actually. Like, when we shared a dorm in first year and I couldn't sleep, I would just lie there and listen to your breathing until I fell asleep."

"Creeper," I teased, though it was actually kind of sweet.

He stuck his tongue out at me. "Shut up, Mr. Snorer."

I burst into laughter. "Mr. Snorer? Seriously, that's the best you could come up with?"

"Hey, there's still a bit left," Shin said, holding the bottle of Goldschlager by the neck in front of Yamato. "Time to finish it, blondie."

Yamato straightened himself into a sitting position and simply tilted his head back, opening his mouth. Shin grinned and tilted the bottle into his mouth, pouring it down his throat, and I tried to ignore the strange twitch of arousal that this sparked inside of me.

"Always a champ," Shin said once Yamato had swallowed it all, grinning. When Yamato laughed and gave Shin a look, the sexual implications of the remark hit me and I felt jealousy creeping up inside of me again.

"Wouldn't you rather sleep in Shin's bed?" I couldn't stop myself from saying, although I managed to keep the jealousy in my tone to a minimum.

Yamato blinked at me with wide, innocent eyes—which was fucking impossible because he was anything but innocent, but somehow he managed. "Why would I rather sleep in Shin's bed?" he asked in confusion.

"Because I'll fuck you and Tai won't," Shin said bluntly, clearly getting my point. Which meant that he probably understood that I was jealous. Which meant that he probably knew I secretly wanted Yamato. I looked at him and he gave me a look that said 'You're an idiot'. Yup, he knew.

"Oh," said Yamato. He then burrowed into my side again, rubbing his cheek against my shoulder. "Yeah, but I want to go home with **you** , Taichi."

Oh my God, why did he do this to me?

Shin gave me a look that said 'You're royally screwed'. I agreed silently.

"We live in the same home, Yama," I pointed out, trying to distract myself from the way my dick was slowly but surely climbing to life. "We're at home right now, actually."

"God, you're so annoying," Yamato huffed. "I **know** that. I meant it figuratively." He looked proud of himself for managing to get the word out and, again, I was impressed at Drunk Yamato's vocabulary.

"You're fucking ridiculous," I told him, but wrapped an arm around him anyway. Which was probably a bad idea, because the physical contact with him was really getting to me.

"Well, you two have fun sleeping together," Shin said, smiling mischievously before heading back inside.

"Should we go to bed?" Yamato asked me, tilting his face in such a way that his nose brushed my neck. "I'm drunk. And tired."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Okay."

So we got up, Yamato still glued to my side, and went inside the house and up the stairs. Halfway to my room, Yamato realized he needed to go to the bathroom, though, so he detached himself from me and went. I continued on the course to my room, lying down on my back once I reached my bed and wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into.

Yamato's giggle alerted me to the fact that he had crossed the threshold of my doorway. "Taichi, why are you still wearing all your clothes?" he asked as he shut the door behind him before climbing onto the bed and straddling my hips. Every nerve in my body instantly jumped to life and I licked my suddenly dry lips as I looked up at Yamato, meeting his eyes.

I opened my mouth to respond, but all that came out was, "Um."

Yamato moved his hands to my pants and began unfastening my jeans and I lay there dumbly, not knowing what to do therefore simply letting him.

"Pants—off!" Yamato declared cheerfully, tugging at my jeans once he had them undone. I lifted my hips to co-operate, letting him pull them down my legs and then kicking them off once they reached my ankles. Yamato settled back down on my lap and I tried to think of an excuse for the erection that was sure to make an appearance in the near future.

"Do you sleep with a shirt on?" Yamato asked me.

"I don't know," was my dumb answer.

"Well, not tonight!" he announced. He began lifting my shirt up and I, again, co-operated.

"You know, sleeping naked is good for you," Yamato told me as he hooked his thumbs under the waistband of my boxers.

My brain snapped into action and I grabbed his hands. "That's okay," I said quickly.

Yamato shrugged good-naturedly and got off of me, shimmying out of his own pants and shirt in less than five seconds. He then got up to turn off the light and, after flicking the switch, came back to join me on the bed. He lay down beside me and then shifted until his front was pressed against my side, draping an arm across my waist.

"You're like a human furnace," Yamato said. "You're so hot, Taichi."

I couldn't take it anymore. "Why are you calling me 'Taichi'?" I asked abruptly.

Yamato hummed thoughtfully. "I don't know. I like your name. It's fun to say. Taichi," he uttered in demonstration.

"Well, stop it," I grumbled.

"Why?" Yamato's hand slid down to my hip instead and he entwined his leg with mine. "Do you not like it?" When I didn't instantly reply, Yamato murmured in a tone that made me shiver, "I think it sounds sexy."

"Yama," I said in a warning tone.

"What?"

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't purr in my fucking ear that you want to call me 'Taichi' because it's sexy," I snapped in irritation. My irritation stemmed from the fact that I was horny as fuck, and Yamato was there pressed against my side saying shit like that, and I **knew** that he was simply drunk and horny and would be trying to seduce anyone that he was next to at that moment, and I wanted him so badly it fucking hurt.

"It was just a comment," Yamato huffed defensively. "And anyway," he added after a second, "I **told** you I was going to hit on you once I was drunk and you still let me in your bed, so…"

"You **forced** me to let you into my bed!" I exclaimed.

Yamato snorted. "Shut the fuck up, Taichi, I did not and you know it."

"Stop calling me Taichi!" I cried in frustration.

"Why, because it's turning you on?" Yamato asked sharply. When I sucked in a breath, he let out a harsh laugh. "God, you're such a fucking liar. You always say you don't want to fuck me, but you **do** want to fuck me, Taichi, and I fucking **know** it. You make me think that I'm fucking crazy sometimes for thinking it, but no, I'm right. You want me."

"You have no fucking idea what you're saying," I said, my heart beating faster than was probably healthy. I sat up abruptly and shook Yamato off of me. "If you're horny, go find Shin or someone."

"I don't **want** 'Shin or someone'," Yamato said, looking at me with eyes blazing. "I want **you** , Tai."

The fact that he hadn't said 'Taichi' made me pause, because it seemed less like an attempt at seduction and more like a genuine statement, but I still got off of the bed and shook my head.

"I'm not going to fuck you, Yama," I said firmly, trying not to regret the words as they came out.

Yamato and I had a long staring match, and eventually I shook my head and began toward the door.

"Tai," Yamato began, but I cut him off.

"Go to sleep," I said sharply, not even glancing back as I yanked the door open and exited. I slammed the door behind me and then sunk to the floor, burying my face in my hands and taking a deep breath.

I sat there for several minutes, trying to calm down, before finally standing up and making my way to Yamato's room. There was no way I was going back in my room, and I needed somewhere to sleep, so I would occupy Yamato's bed until the morning. Hopefully being in the same room as him would be less dangerous then.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

I woke up to the feeling of the mattress dipping with the weight of someone else. I opened my eyes to find Yamato climbing onto the bed. The apologetic look on his face convinced me that I didn't need to escape, so I stayed put.

"I'm sorry," he said softly as he lay down beside me. His big blue eyes bore into mine and I felt my heart instantly soften. "I said a lot of shit last night, and…"

"Don't worry," I said, shaking my head. "You were drunk and frustrated; I get it."

Yamato smiled guiltily. "I guess I'm not taking this whole no-hooking-up very well. I'm going through withdrawal," he half-joked.

"Well, I'm here for you," I said, reaching out and squeezing his hand. I paused and then added with a little grin, "Not in **that** way, but…"

We both laughed, and Yamato gave me a sheepish look afterward. "I was a total nightmare, wasn't I?"

"A little bit," I admitted, though I failed to mention that the reason it was so jarring was because he had been right about what he said.

"I'll buy you Booster Juice to make up for it?" Yamato offered.

"Deal," I said with a smile.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

I met up with Takeru and Hikari the following Friday so we could all head to the show Yamato's band was playing at together. Being at university meant seeing much less of Hikari than I wanted to, and I crushed her in a fierce bear hug the moment I saw her. I then grilled her and Takeru about their life as seniors at Odaiba High and mentioned that they were growing up way too fast. Kari replied to that with a teasing "What about you, you geezer? You're twenty!" and I tickled her ruthlessly in response.

Takeru was used to his brother's behaviour and attire, so he wasn't surprised when Yamato came out on stage wearing a tight black shirt and jeans that had the largest holes I'd ever seen, one of the holes spanning his entire thigh. Having Hikari and Takeru standing next to me helped me to keep my thoughts clean while watching Yamato perform, and Yamato was extremely happy to see our younger siblings once the show was over. He ditched the band and we brought Takeru and Hikari back to our house to hang out. We chatted and watching movies well into the night, and when Hikari fell asleep I woke her up to usher her to my room and assure her that I would be fine sleeping in Yamato's bed with him. Yamato and I set up the couch for Takeru and bid him goodnight, and then retired in Yamato's bed for the night.

"I miss being home," Yamato confessed after a moment of lying in the darkness. "I mean, it's not like I got to see TK every day, but I definitely got to see him more than I do now. We never get to see anyone anymore. And everyone's so busy now… Joe's buried in medical school, Koshiro's too busy being a genius to do anything else, Sora's learning how to take over her mom's flower shop, and Mimi's at school just like we are…" Yamato shook his head. "I miss when things were simple, and we were all minutes away from each other."

"Me too," I admitted. "I never would have guessed you felt that way too, though; you seem very well-adjusted to life here."

"Nah… the only time I feel at home is when you and me and here hanging out together. At least **that** hasn't changed."

I didn't say anything, because I was suddenly all too aware of how that could change very drastically in the near future. Once we finished university, there was no guarantee that we would end up in the same place. Plus, if Yamato was serious about getting a boyfriend, then he would probably end up moving in with that boyfriend eventually and I would be busy too, doing whatever I ended up doing, and it would become hard to find time to see each other. We would drift apart and my life would have a hole in it. And I would be left to try and find someone to fill the void, even though I knew that no one could ever fill Yamato's place…

"Tai?" Yamato nudged me, giving me a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I lied. "Just… thinking."

"About?"

"How nosy you are," I joked.

He shoved me lightly, and I laughed.

"I told the guys I'm looking for a real boyfriend," Yamato mentioned after a moment.

"Yeah? What'd they say?"

"Hiro asked if I would consider him."

My eyebrows shot up. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I was surprised too. Apparently he's had a crush on me since he first met me." Yamato laughed. "I never would have guessed."

"What did you say?" I asked curiously.

"I told him I didn't think it would be good for the band."

"Good point."

"Yeah. Even if that wasn't a factor, though, I don't think I could date Hiro. He's not my type."

"Yeah, you two would be a weird couple. What **is** your type when it comes to boyfriends, though?" I asked. "I mean, no guy you've been with has struck your romantic interest, so…?"

"I don't know," Yamato admitted. "I guess I just have this model in my head of what I want the guy to be like, and it's hard to find someone that matches it. And I'm kind of set on this one ideal, and I can't help it."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I said, because I **did** know. The reason I hadn't dated in so long was solely because I was set on the idea of Yamato, and no one even came close to him.

"So we're both just shit out of luck, then, when it comes to dating?"

"Looks like it."

Yamato sighed. "See, things are so much less complicated when you just focus on sex with no strings attached."

"Well, yeah, but you can't just have random sex forever."

"Why not?" Yamato shrugged. "It's a better option than getting into a relationship with someone I don't want to be with."

He had a point.

"Anyway," Yamato said, shifting to get more comfortable, "whatever. I guess I have to just wait and see what happens. Good night."

"Good night," I said, and then frowned into the darkness. This was one of those times where my case of unrequited love continuously flashed in my brain like a neon sign and burned into my heart. It was hard to hear Yamato talk about the fact that there was no one he could think of that he would actually want to date when the only thing on earth I wanted was exactly that; to date him.

Yamato poked my arm. "Hey, you sure you're okay?"

The pain in my chest intensified. Who else but Yamato would just **sense** that something was on my mind? No one. Fuck.

"Yeah," I lied. "I'm fine; don't worry."

"If you say so." Yamato clearly didn't believe me, but he was going to let it go. Thank God, because I couldn't think of a decent bluff at that moment. I couldn't think about anything except for how much my situation sucked, actually.

I felt so utterly hopeless thinking about it that my brain started to employ new tactics, like actually entertaining thoughts I had previously avoided like the plague—like the idea that Yamato might not reject the idea of us dating. I didn't usually allow myself to build up any hope surrounding the situation, but… well, Yamato **had** said that I would be his "main target" if he wasn't trying to hook up with random people. That meant something, right? Or did it just mean that he would think of me first since we were so close and I was always around?

But even if Yamato **did** decide that dating me was an option, he would be settling for me because he couldn't have his "ideal" guy—and I didn't want Yamato to **settle** for me; I wanted him to genuinely want to be with me and choose me over everyone else. So… I was back to hopelessness.

I buried my face in the pillow dejectedly and looked forward to my dreams, where things actually worked out.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**


	5. Chapter 5

**Playing for Keeps  
Chapter 4  
**by: neo-chan

After a very brief debate the following morning, Yamato and I decided to accompany our siblings back home. Neither of us had any pressing schoolwork to do seeing as we had just completed our mid-terms, so we could devote our time home to simply being with our families and doing nothing.

We made our rounds first, stopping at my house so that my mom could gush over having me home for the weekend, and then going to Takeru's house so that Yamato could check in with his mother. Ms. Takaishi agreed to let Takeru sleep over at Mr. Ishida's apartment for the night on one condition; Yamato had to have dinner there that night. Yamato agreed, of course, and left with the promise to be back later. We didn't bother stopping at Yamato's apartment since his dad wouldn't be home until later, and instead went to the flower shop to see Sora.

She was shocked and ecstatic to see us, and her mom had no problem letting Sora take off to gallivant with us. Takeru and Hikari were supposed to be meeting Daisuke and Ken to hang out, so we all tagged along. Daisuke and Ken were pleasantly surprised to see us, and Daisuke—never without a soccer ball—immediately insisted that we have a game. We decided to play two-on-two and Daisuke and Ken were one team while myself and Sora were the other. Yamato, Takeru, and Hikari sat on a park bench chatting as we played and after the brief game, we all ate lunch together and then went for ice cream. We spent a bunch of time catching up with each other and walking around aimlessly, and when we finally split up it was getting close to dinnertime.

My mom had been so excited at my being home that she had prepared a feast while we were gone, and I was so stuffed after dinner that I couldn't move for half an hour. Hikari and I plopped ourselves down on the couch and watched some silly animated movie that was on, and then wasted the rest of the evening away similarly before going to bed.

It was just what I had needed, and it seemed like it was what Yamato had needed too because when we met back up to leave on Sunday afternoon, we were both in very high spirits despite having to bid everyone a reluctant goodbye. Granted, we would be seeing our families again soon for the holidays, and my parents and Hikari had promised to make it to my upcoming soccer game which was the last of the season, but leaving them was still hard.

Unfortunately Yamato's high spirits came crashing down on Monday. He had gone to band practice and when I heard the front door open an hour later, I figured it couldn't be him; it was too soon. Forty-five minutes later, though, the front door opened again and the person headed immediately up the stairs. A room door shut and I noticed that the person hadn't passed my room to get to theirs, which meant it wasn't Yamato. Lyle and Dylan had been home prior to Yamato leaving, and if it had been Miles that just walked in…

I got up from my desk and left my room, heading downstairs. When I walked into the living room, I stopped in my tracks for a moment at the unexpected sight in front of me. Yamato was sitting on the living room couch with his hand wrapped around a bottle of green apple flavoured vodka, which was tilted up to his lips.

"Yama, what the fuck?" I asked incredulously.

He turned to me with eyes that were slightly clouded with alcohol, and I snapped back into action and walked over, taking the bottle from him. He let me.

"Why the fuck are you drinking by yourself?" I asked him. "And have you been home all this time? What happened to band practice?"

"Hiro quit," Yamato said gloomily.

My eyebrows shot up. "Hiro **quit**? What? **Why**?"

Yamato let out a heavy sigh and dropped his head on the back of the couch, speaking to the ceiling. "I fucked things up by trying not to fuck things up."

I put the vodka down on the coffee table and sat down beside Yamato on the couch. "I thought you already told him that you don't think dating each other would be a good idea."

"I did. So he decided to quit. Apparently trying to date me is more important to him than the band. And then when I told him I still didn't think things would work out between us, he fucking snapped." Yamato ran his hands over his face. "He said some shit, and I got pissed off, and I said some stuff back, and he said a whole bunch of other shit that made me want to fucking punch him. And then he left."

"Well, how do you know it won't just blow over?" I pointed out.

Yamato shook his head. "The stuff we said… you can't take that kind of stuff back."

"Like what?"

"I don't even want to get into it." Yamato sighed. "Fuck. So now we need another guitarist. Our songs will sound weird without it since they were written with two guitar parts. So, basically, the band is screwed and it's all my fault."

"How is that your fault?" I asked. "Hiro's the one who quit."

"Yeah, because of me."

"Well, yeah, but you have no control over that. It's not your fault that he decided to react in an extreme way."

"I guess." Yamato frowned some more at the ceiling. "It's Hiro's van that we usually use to transport our stuff to venues, too. Shit."

"And you're sure there's no way you guys will make up?"

"I wouldn't talk to that bastard again if he fucked **begged** me," Yamato said darkly.

I was surprised by the vehemence toward Hiro and I asked again, extremely curious now; "What did he **say**?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter."

I scoffed. "It's very obviously not nothing, and obviously it **does** matter because you're so upset about it that you won't even tell me."

"I just don't want to talk about it right now," Yamato said shortly. "Okay?"

"Okay," I conceded.

We were both silent for several moments, and then Yamato's phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it, telling me "It's Shin" before answering glumly, "Yeah?"

There was a brief pause in which Yamato listened to what Shin was saying, and then Yamato exclaimed, "What? Why the fuck would you book a gig if we don't have a second guitarist? Fuck!"

Uh oh, that wasn't good.

Yamato listened for another few moments and then said with irritation, "Yeah, well, playing songs that sound incomplete will make us look bad, too, you idiot. Whatever. Bye."

Yamato hung up and then huffed in annoyance. "Shin's a goddamn idiot."

"He booked a show?" I asked, not bothering to hide the fact that I had been listening.

"Apparently we got **offered** a gig, and he didn't want to turn it down because it would make us look bad and possibly stop us from getting more gigs. Which I understand, but… well, how the hell are we supposed to play on Saturday without a second guitarist?"

"It's on Saturday?" I asked in surprise. Shit, that was soon. It also happened to be the day that I had my last soccer game of the season, but my game would be during the day so luckily the events wouldn't conflict.

"Yeah!" Yamato exclaimed in annoyance. "Fucking **Saturday**! We have a few **days** to try and get our shit together. Fuck."

"I'm sure it won't sound **that** bad without a second guitarist," I tried to console Yamato, but he gave me a look.

"We decided that you're biased, remember? And it's because we would need to modify all of our songs if we're only going to have one guitarist, and we can't do that in a few days. Well—we **could** , but we won't sound our best, and I don't want to play a gig sounding mediocre! It would have been better to turn it down. Fuck."

"Are you sure you don't know anyone who could fill in?" I asked.

"Lots of people we know play guitar," Yamato said dismissively, "but they're not any good. And even if they were decent, they won't be able to learn all our songs in a few days."

That was true. I frowned, trying to think of a solution, but came up with nothing.

"Well, fuck. That sucks," I said.

"No shit." Yamato sighed in frustration. "Fuck. I give up casual sex and my whole life falls apart."

I snorted and rolled my eyes, because it was an extreme exaggeration. "Calm down, drama queen, your 'whole life' is fine. Things will work out with the band. And if Hiro's really that petty, then he can go fuck himself."

Yamato gave me a half-hearted glare. "You know, if anyone else told me to 'calm down' right now, I would punch them in the fucking face."

"But I'm just too charming to be mad at?" I flashed Yamato a winning grin.

An involuntary smile tugged at Yamato's lips, and he shook his head. "I hate you."

"Aw, I love you too, Yama-chan," I teased, and moved forward to grab him into a big bear hug. He laughed and shoved me off, and then whacked me on my arm afterward.

"You couldn't just let me wallow in self-pity for a bit?" he mock-complained.

"Nah, I had to ruin your chance at being stuck in a bad mood. Sorry." I then leaned forward to grab the controllers that were sitting under the coffee table. "Now, are you too tipsy to let me beat your ass at any game you choose?"

We played video games for hours, until we could hear our stomachs rumbling over the noise of the games, and then I dragged Yamato out of the house and to one of the burger places on campus. Instead of walking back with our food, we decided to sit down and eat it at the provided seating.

"…so then my prof asks the guy what sources he had to reference for his argument, because it's obviously bullshit," I said, taking a bite of my burger as I finished telling Yamato a story about something that had happened in one of my classes, "and the guy goes: 'um… Plato?'"

Yamato laughed. "Oh my God, seriously?"

"Yup. People started laughing out loud in class. I was embarrassed **for** the guy."

Yamato snorted and shook his head. A loud noise sounded from the other end of the seating space, and I looked over casually to see what was happening. It was nothing; just a group of friends being rowdy, and when I turned back to Yamato, I was surprised to find him staring at me with a fond smile on his face.

"You know, I was fully prepared to spend the rest of the night drinking myself into depression," he said.

"I know," I responded. "I walked in and saw you with that bottle and knew damage control was in order."

He smiled more, shaking his head. "How the hell do you always know what to do when it comes to me? I mean, I know we've been friends for-fucking-ever, but still."

I shrugged and smiled back. "I guess I'm just fluent in Yama-speak," I joked. "Including full mood interpretation. I should start teaching courses."

Yamato laughed and nudged my knee with his under the table. "Shut up."

"Like right now," I continued teasingly, "you're secretly wondering how it's possible for someone to be so amazing and thoughtful **and** good-looking. I know; sometimes I sweep my own self off my feet."

Yamato rolled his eyes and I grinned before taking another bite of my burger. After a moment, though, Yamato brushed my knee again with his and spoke more softly.

"Seriously, though…"

I looked up at him when he didn't continue, and found that he was looking down and fiddling with the straw of his drink. I waited, because the mood had just shifted and I didn't want to interrupt whatever he was going to say, because it seemed like it would be something important.

"You **are** amazing, Tai," Yamato said quietly—so quietly that I barely heard him over the noise in the building. "When I was talking before about that template I have for my ideal guy…" He let out a soft, sheepish laugh. "Well… you're pretty much it."

My heart swooned. If that's possible.

I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat and tried to ignore the loud thumping of my heart in my chest, and uttered dumbly, "Really?"

Yamato hummed in confirmation, and I sat there not knowing what to do. I wanted to scream out "So let me be your boyfriend, then!" but I figured that if he hadn't already proposed it, there was probably a reason why. He **had** said I was "pretty much" it and not **exactly** it, after all, so maybe there were a few little things about me that he didn't want to deal with in a relationship. And even though he had told me he would fuck me, that didn't mean he wanted to be stuck having sex with just me. His attraction to me was probably mild; not like the burning desire I had for him. And he had said before that he wouldn't want to get together with someone and then find out that they were bad in bed. I was most definitely **not** bad in bed, but he had no way of knowing that, and he **was** way more experienced than I was in that region, so he probably assumed I was mediocre considering I went months at a time without having sex.

"Hey, don't get a big head over this," Yamato teased, breaking the silence between us and lifting his eyes to mine with a little smile. There was a shyness in his eyes that made my heart swoon all over again, though.

"Too late," I joked, trying to act normal despite the way my world was swirling hazily around me. "I can feel my ego swelling as we speak."

Then Yamato smirked and said suggestively with a raised eyebrow, "Are you sure it's just your **ego** swelling?", and we both burst into laughter.

We finished eating and headed back home. Yamato seemed to be walking a little further inside of my personal bubble than usual, his arm bumping mine occasionally as we walked, and every time our eyes met it made my heart jump up in my throat and my stomach knot, and I didn't know if it was my imagination or not, but there was definitely something dancing in the air between us that hadn't been there before.

"How did it get so cold so fast?" Yamato asked as we stepped inside, shivering slightly as he shut the door. "I thought it would be another couple of weeks before we got this weather."

"That was wishful thinking," I told him as I shrugged off my jacket.

"Ow, these stupid feathers are poking me," Yamato complained as he took off his own jacket and picked at the few feathers that had escaped the jacket's lining and were stuck in his shirt. "This jacket sucks."

I watched him pick at the feathers and then caught sight of one in his hair. Chuckling, I reached forward and plucked it out of his golden locks.

"Make a wish," I half-joked, holding it out on my finger.

Yamato looked at me and tilted his head, contemplating. "I don't think it works quite like that," he said, but blew on my finger anyway.

The feather fluttered to the floor, but my eyes refused to look away from Yamato. The wind had left a pink tinge to his cheeks and ruffled his hair just the right amount, and his eyes were bright and beautiful, and… fuck, **he** was just beautiful.

Yamato's eyes met mine, and something came over me in a split second that I couldn't fight, and I moved forward and pressed my lips to his. Yamato kissed back for a fraction of a second before pushing me away slightly.

"Um," he said, letting out a little apprehensive laugh. "Tai?"

I licked my lips and simply looked at him, because I had no idea how to account for my actions without throwing my heart completely on the table. So I didn't bother to try; after all, I had already screwed myself over. Ignoring all the warnings my brain was screaming at me, I moved more aggressively this time, pushing Yamato against the wall and kissing him more insistently.

Yamato kissed back eagerly, and our mouths opened to each other and I slid my tongue alongside his, and he wrapped his fingers in my hair and mewled into my mouth, and by the time we parted for air several minutes later, my mind was dizzy with pleasure. I remained where I was, my lips mere inches away from Yamato's and our breath mingling together as I absently stroked his skin and tried to remember when my hand had slid up his shirt.

"Thanks for warming me up," Yamato murmured, and his finger slid through my belt loop and gave him the leverage to ease my lower body oh-so-slightly against his. The sexual tension between us was so thick that you could have cut it with a knife, and it took everything in my willpower not to start dry-humping Yamato against the wall.

"Any time," I responded, and my hand moved around to his back, smoothing down his spine and then settling on his tailbone.

We continued to stand there, neither of us daring to either break the embrace or take things further, and my lips were tingling with the urge to kiss Yamato some more but I didn't want to be the one to make the next move.

"Should we, um…" Yamato shifted slightly against me. "…go upstairs?"

My body screamed 'Fuck yes' but my brain was screaming something different at me, and when I stopped to listen for the briefest of seconds, I remembered with a start why this was such a bad idea. Yamato wasn't horny for **me** ; he was just plain horny. He hadn't had sex in weeks and was dying to get laid. He and I were doing this for completely different reasons. Granted, he **had** just said that I was almost an ideal boyfriend figure, **and** it had even felt like he had been radiating an interest in me that was more than just physical, but I couldn't risk things on a whim.

"No," I forced myself to say, and stepped away. I ran a hand through my hair and looked away, letting out a heavy sigh and trying to figure out what to say. "Fuck. Yama, I…"

"It's okay," Yamato said quickly, and the spell that had been over us was gone so quickly that it left an ache in my chest. "It's fine. I mean, you don't have to explain. I mean…" He shook his head. "I shouldn't have even suggested it."

I knew that I owed him **some** sort of explanation, but I didn't know how exactly to explain without pouring my heart out, so I let him let me off the hook.

"Anyway, I'm going to go call Hideki and brainstorm what we can do for Saturday," Yamato said, and began walking away. He paused, though, and turned back for a moment. "For the record, though, you're a good kisser."

His voice was just light enough to make things okay between us, and just silky enough to make me grin stupidly.

"You're not so bad yourself," I teased lightly.

He grinned and then continued on his way, and I stood there staring after him and wondering how many more times I would have to go through the torture of passing him up.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N** : For the record, the Booster Juice thing was never initially supposed to be such a recurring theme… it just somehow became a running joke as I wrote.

 **Playing for Keeps  
Chapter 5  
**by: neo-chan

"It's a fucking miracle!" Yamato exclaimed, practically jumping on me as I walked out of my lecture hall on Tuesday afternoon.

I ignored the stares we were getting and chuckled at him, shaking my head and stepping away from the crowd filing out into the hall. "For some reason I don't think you're supposed to use the words 'fucking' and 'miracle' in the same sentence. And are you stalking me?"

Yamato ignored my teasing. "Reza's going to fill in for Hiro!" he informed me urgently.

"Reza plays guitar?" I asked.

"No," Yamato shook his head, but then paused to think. "Well—actually, I think she owns an acoustic guitar that she learned a few chords and stuff on, but no, not really."

"So she's filling in for Hiro how, exactly?" I asked, confused.

"Well, she's been playing the piano since she was ridiculously young," Yamato told me, "and when she was, like, twelve or something, she got bored and started getting into synthesizers, and when she was sixteen she saved up and bought some super-cool keyboard, and she's really fucking good and she's going to join the band as a keyboard player! It's perfect because Reza already knows all of our songs, since she's been one of our fans forever! We all met up this morning and let her jam through a couple of our songs with us, and it sounds fucking awesome!"

"So you can get up early to rescue your band but not to go to class?" I joked.

Yamato gave me a dirty look and I laughed.

"Seriously, though, that's great," I said. "Now you guys don't have to stress."

"Yeah, and I swear our songs are going to sound even **better** with Reza on keys. Maybe Hiro leaving the band was a fucking **good** thing." Yamato rocked back and forth happily on his heels, and I held back an adoring smile that would have given me away. "You don't have any other classes today, do you?"

"You clearly know my class schedule, stalker; **you** tell **me** ," I teased.

He grinned sheepishly and then gestured with his head in the direction of the campus Booster Juice, which happened to be nearby. "Booster Juice, you're paying?" he suggested, giving me an angelic look.

"Fine," I agreed, because there was no way in hell I could withstand that look, "but only because you need to celebrate solving the band crisis so quickly."

After I treated Yamato to Booster Juice and we walked idly around campus for a bit, Yamato parted from me to attend his afternoon class. I bumped into a teammate of mine and he was on his way to the gym, so I decided to join him and we discussed the upcoming game as we trained. It was our qualifying game to get into the championships, which would take place over a single week in December, and the team we were facing had beat us the previous two years. We were hoping to break that streak.

Yamato spent a lot of the rest of the week with the band, perfecting the new versions of their songs with Reza, and I spent most of my time training for the game. The week flew by and before we knew it, it was Saturday.

"TK's coming up with your parents and Kari since my concert is tonight," Yamato mentioned, munching on an apple and watching me as I got ready to leave the house. "So he'll be at the game, too."

"Yeah, Kari mentioned that to me when I called her yesterday," I said. "She and TK are both coming to your show, too."

"I know. It's great that they're going to be at the first show with Reza as our new member. The timing of this worked out perfectly."

"Are you guys practicing some more before the show?" I asked as I headed for the hallway.

Yamato followed me, shaking his head. "Nah. We practiced enough as it is; we don't want to tire ourselves out before the show."

I shoved my feet in my shoes and slung my duffel bag over my shoulder. "Makes sense. Alright, I'll see you after the game." I had to be at the field several hours before the game began, naturally, so I wouldn't get to see anyone (well, except for Yamato) until after the game.

"Alright. Don't let the other team win."

"I'll try not to," I said with a smile, and moved in for a hug.

Yamato hugged me back and then, surprising me slightly, pressed a firm kiss to my cheek before pushing me in the direction of the door. "See you."

I echoed the phrase and then left the house, feeling pretty fucking good.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

It was a long, gruelling game, and it took all the skill we had, but we won. After celebrating in the locker room and quickly hitting the showers, we headed out to meet up with our friends and families, and it was a mission trying to find anyone in the sea of cheering bodies. Eventually, though, I spotted the group I was looking for—and, making my evening even better, there were some extra faces I hadn't been expecting.

"Holy crap!" I exclaimed upon finding them, spotting a face I hadn't seen in a very long time. "Koushiro!" I rushed directly toward him, wrapping him in a hug.

Koushiro laughed and hugged me back. "I knew you'd be surprised to see me."

"Well, yeah; I haven't seen you in **forever**!" I shook my head in amazement. "Wow, it's great to see you! Thanks for coming out!"

"You know, suddenly I feel undervalued," Daisuke joked, and it was hearing his voice that made me realize he was there, too. And Sora.

"You guys made it, too?" I moved from Koushiro and put one arm around Daisuke and one around Sora, hugging them too. "You guys are all amazing!"

"What about us?" Kari joked, and I ruffled her hair before pulling her into a hug, and I pulled Takeru and Yamato into the hug, too, and then made sure to hug my mom as well.

"You guys know I'm grateful that you made it, too." I took a step back and shook my head at the group before me, smiling brightly. "Honestly, you guys, thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me. I love you guys."

"Aw, Tai's getting all mushy," Kari teased, but smiled.

Everyone congratulated me and then we decided to all go out to dinner and celebrate. We had to keep an eye on the time because we had to go straight to Yamato's concert, but we weren't cutting it **that** close and we finished with time to spare. I said goodbye to my parents because although they were going to hang out around town and drive Hikari, Takeru and Daisuke back after the concert, I didn't know for sure whether I would get the chance to say goodbye then. Sora had given Koushiro a lift so Hikari, Takeru, and Daisuke caught a ride with her to the concert venue while Yamato and I got picked up by Shin.

"Did you win?" Shin asked me immediately when we got into the car.

I laughed. "Yeah."

"Damn right! Congratulations!" He leaned back to give me a high five.

"Thanks," I said with a happy grin.

"So this means you guys get to go to the championships, right?" Shin asked.

"Yup. For the first time in years. It's going to be crazy. That's not 'til almost Christmas, though, so for now I get to relax a bit."

"Cool. When we go out tonight to celebrate how fucking awesome we sound with Reza, we'll celebrate your victory, too!"

"Shin, if you jinx us and we end up sounding like shit, I'll fucking murder you," Yamato said.

Shin rolled his eyes at Yamato. "Calm down, blondie, you know we're going to be great. Hideki and Reza are already there; we loaded up Reza's dad's truck and he drove them there. They're doing extra soundcheck and shit right now with Reza's keyboard so everything will run smooth. So unless you spontaneously lose your voice, we're good."

"Shin!" Yamato practically squealed. "Don't fucking jinx my voice!"

"I think I just did, if you're going to sound like **this** all night," Shin joked, and I burst out laughing.

Yamato glared at me. "Don't encourage him! God, you two are awful."

When we got to the venue, I told Yamato to break a leg and then hunted out our friends. I got to catch up with Koushiro a bit more and chat with everyone before the show started, and then some more after the first opening band's set. The Teenage Wolves were next, opening for a more popular band, and when the lights dimmed for them to come out we all cheered.

They started the song while it was still dark, and the sound of Yamato's voice crooning through the room in the darkness gave me shivers. Once the lights started flashing and they began really rocking out with the instrumentals, I was impressed—because Reza's keyboarding really **did** add a whole new dimension to the band, and it was definitely a good thing.

Having never seen one of Yamato's concerts before—or maybe just not since he had become more provocative onstage—, Koushiro's eyebrows shot up when he saw what Yamato was wearing, which happened to be a tight black tank top that was translucent under the lights and a pair of extremely low-rise skintight black leather pants that were adorned with lines of studs diagonally down one leg. Yamato topped off the outfit with leather cuffs around his wrists which had spikes to complement the studs, and a similar leather choker.

"Does he always dress like that?" Koushiro asked me when the song ended, and I laughed and nodded.

Yamato looked extremely pleased with the crowd's reaction to their first song, and he introduced the crowd to Reza as their new member while avoiding mentioning Hiro's absence. Then he somehow managed to catch my eye in the crowd and said into the microphone,

"Before we begin this next song, I also just want to take a minute to congratulate my best friend Taichi on his victory today, and to dedicate this whole set to him, really, because he's amazing and without him my life would be in shambles. You're the best, Tai."

I could feel my face heating up as our friends began poking at me teasingly and saying "aww", but I was beaming at Yamato, and we shared a smile and a look that warmed my heart. Then Yamato winked, probably more for the crowd than anything, before the band delved into the rest of their set.

The show was awesome, like Shin predicted, and when we met up with Yamato afterward I instantly grabbed him into a tight hug.

"Thanks," I whispered in his ear before moving away and announcing in a more public voice, "You guys were absolutely amazing. Great job, Reza," I added as she began walking up, moving to give her a less intimate hug.

"Thanks!" she said, positively glowing with happiness.

After everyone said their piece, we had to say goodbye, and I wound up getting to say another goodbye to my parents because Yamato and I walked everyone out to the cars. My parents' eyebrows definitely rose when they saw Yamato's outfit, but they wished him the same warm goodbye as usual before Takeru, Hikari, and Daisuke piled into the car.

"You guys should stay and come to the party we're having," Yamato urged Sora and Koushiro before they got into Sora's car. We all knew the answers would be no, though; parties aren't Koushiro's thing, and Sora doesn't drink so she tends to avoid rowdy parties like the ones Yamato's band hosts.

"I really can't have a late night," Koushiro declined predictably.

"I have to get home, too," Sora agreed. "I have to be at the flower shop tomorrow morning."

Yamato pouted, but accepted their answers and hugged them both. "Okay, see you guys hopefully soon. Thanks for coming out."

I hugged them too and then they took off, waving to us one more time before pulling away.

Shin drove up behind us, honking his horn to alert us to his presence, and Yamato and I squeezed into the back seat with Hideki.

"That was so amazing," Reza gushed from the passenger seat. "Playing in front of a crowd is so exhilarating! Thank you guys so much for letting me in the band!"

"Thank **you** ," Hideki said. "You saved our asses. And the band sounds better than ever now."

"This is the beginning of a beautiful story of fame," Shin said dramatically, and we all laughed.

"Seriously, you were great," Yamato told Reza, leaning forward and hugging whatever part of her he could. "Hiro quitting was a blessing in disguise."

"Speaking of Hiro; if he was there, he's going to be salty for sure after that little shout-out you gave," Shin said with a smirk.

Yamato jabbed Shin in the side and Shin exclaimed, "Hey! Don't poke me; I'm driving!"

Clearly Shin was referencing Yamato's shout-out to me, and I furrowed my brow and asked, "Why would Hiro care about that?"

"Shin's just an idiot," Yamato said dismissively. "Anyway—do we need to stop for alcohol?"

I shrugged it off, because there was clearly something about the whole Hiro situation that Yamato didn't want to tell me yet, and Hideki responded in the affirmative to Yamato's question. Yamato rummaged through a duffel bag on the floor of the car and pulled out a change of clothes, which he tossed in my lap as he unbuckled his seatbelt and began to wriggle out of his pants.

No one was fazed, because Yamato isn't exactly shy about his body around us, and although I wasn't exactly fazed either, I was definitely affected. I tried not to watch too closely as Yamato struggled to get his pants off, and teased, "That's what happens when you wear pants that are too tight."

He stuck his tongue out at me. "You're just jealous that you can't rock these pants like I can."

I snorted and then compliantly took the leather pants from him when he finally got them off and handed them to me, and gave him the more comfortable-looking (yet still tight) jeans that he had brought to change into. Hideki complained when Yamato accidentally elbowed him as Shin took a corner, and Yamato threw his shirt in Hideki's face, and Hideki complained that it smelled like "rockstar sweat" as I laughed my head off and Yamato pulled on a simple t-shirt and then tried to smother Hideki with the other shirt before he put it in the duffel bag.

"Everyone out!" Shin called as he parked in front of the liquor store, and we all piled out eagerly.

We tried to get in and out of the liquor store as quickly as possible, and when we got to the party—which was at their friend Chris' house—it had already begun. To start off the night, we took a round of shots of all of our chosen liquor: Yamato's Goldschlager, my Jack Daniels, Shin's Hennessy, Reza's Hypnotiq, and Hideki's Beefeater. After choking and coughing and gagging and nearly dying, we all declared that it had been a terrible idea; but then once we found ourselves already drunk ten minutes later, we changed our minds and decided to do it all over again.

Some unidentifiable amount of time later, I was chilling with the band's friends Jessie and Gabe when I realized that I hadn't seen Yamato in a bit. Remembering that he didn't want to hook up with anyone random, and realizing that he was definitely drunk enough to forget this pledge, I went in search of him. I couldn't find him anywhere on the main floor and, seeing as my judgment was clouded by my drunkenness, I decided to check the rooms upstairs. The first room I walked into had a couple making out, but neither of the participants was Yamato and I shut the door and went to the next room. I opened the door and—well, I didn't know exactly what I was expecting, because I **had** decided that Yamato was most likely hooking up with someone, but apparently my brain hadn't factored in the fact that looking for him meant witnessing the hook-up session. So, when my eyes landed on Yamato and Shin on the bed, both naked and Yamato's head between Shin's legs, I froze and my brain went into shock while my fists instinctively clenched and an irrational anger began to overheat my body.

The irrational anger flared up even more when Yamato released Shin's dick from his mouth with a "pop" and looked over, having heard the door open. When he saw that it was me, he had nothing to say other than: "Close the door, Tai. Or, you can join in if you want to, but still close the door."

I did close the door. I slammed it, actually, with all my strength—or, rather, all the strength I still had left after factoring in both the alcohol and the fact that I felt a little light-headed from what had just happened. I took a deep breath but it didn't work and I tried to even out my breathing as I walked down the hall and down the stairs, but it didn't work either. My fists wouldn't unclench and my heart was racing and my chest felt tight with anger and frustration and fucking **pain** and I decided to get some air, because I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Once I was outside, I sat down on the front steps and put my head in my hands, closing my eyes and focusing on just breathing. Seeing Yamato with his lips wrapped around Shin's cock had made me fucking **crazy**. I felt like an idiot for feeling that way, because I was the one who had been pushing Yamato in Shin's direction a couple of weeks prior, but… well, talking about them fooling around was one thing; witnessing it was another. And although I felt like it was safer to push him toward Shin than some random guy, because Shin was harmless and was just in it for the sex too, it also felt like the most dangerous option available—because what if Yamato ended up falling for Shin? It didn't seem likely, because it just wasn't in their dynamic to have any romantic feelings toward each other, but I was still a little wary.

I don't know how long I sat there on the steps, but I guess it was longer than I thought because eventually someone came out and walked down the steps, standing in front of me until I lifted my head, and it was Yamato.

"What are you doing out here?" Yamato asked.

I simply shrugged, because I didn't know what else to do. And then, before I could stop myself, I uttered bitterly, "What are **you** doing out here? Shouldn't you be sucking someone's dick?"

Yamato bristled slightly at the remark, but then said, "Well, I could be sucking **yours** if you want. I told you you could join in."

I let out a humourless laugh and looked away, shaking my head. "Yeah, thanks but no thanks."

Yamato went silent and when I turned back, he was frowning and he actually looked visibly upset.

"Why? Because I've been with too many people?" his voice was tight.

A pang of guilt ran through me, because I **had** been pretty careless with my words and had lashed out at him when he had actually done nothing wrong. After all, I had been the one pushing him toward Shin before; why **wouldn't** he be sucking Shin's dick upstairs?

"That's not what I meant," I insisted.

"No, you just meant that you have no interest in me because I'm apparently as sexy as a fucking wall in your opinion." The emotion in Yamato's voice was building. "Do you know how it feels to hear you say that you don't want to fuck me?" he demanded. "I mean, almost every guy I meet wants to fuck me, but my best friend, who knows me better than anyone on the planet, isn't interested? Do you know how that makes me **feel**?"

"No," I admitted quietly as another rush of guilt washed over me. I had never thought that Yamato might be affected negatively by my insistence that I didn't want him.

"It makes me feel like fucking **shit** ," Yamato said, and I could hear the hurt in his voice. "And then you **kissed** me the other day, and I thought maybe I was right about you secretly wanting to fuck me because I don't know how the fuck you can kiss someone like that without wanting to fuck them, but then you were able to just walk away after one kiss, and shit like what Hiro said started sounding more and more true, and—"

"Wait, wait," I said, shaking my head. "What? What did Hiro say?"

Yamato was silent for a moment, but then he finally spoke in a strained voice. "He said that I'm stupid for wanting you, because of course you don't want me, because I'm too much of a fucking slut and I'm not good enough for you."

I was stunned, and guilt washed over me—because I had definitely never intended for Yamato to feel that way. Sympathy also washed over me, because I couldn't believe Hiro had been so harsh with someone who had previously been his friend.

"Yama…" I stared at him for a second, and then promptly pulled him down, hugging him tightly. He exhaled shakily against me and I shook my head. "I'm sorry… I didn't know."

"I know. And I know you don't think that about me. But I just…" Yamato moved away from me and straightened up, rubbing at his eye, which was slightly glossy. "I don't know. I know that you not wanting me shouldn't make me this upset, but it does. Because your opinion matters to me more than anyone on the planet, and if **you** think I'm undesirable, then fuck…" He shook his head.

God, I was an asshole. I had made my best friend feel undesirable and rejected, all because I was afraid of the consequences of my own feelings. I had never stopped to think of how my actions might be making him feel.

"Yama, I don't think you're undesirable," I insisted. "I didn't think you needed me to tell you that you're hot. You **know** you're hot."

"It's not about that," Yamato said with a sigh. "I know people think I'm hot. I wouldn't have guys lined up to fuck me otherwise. And I know you don't think I'm undesirable, because you've told me a million times that I could have any guy I want. I didn't mean it like that. I meant…" Yamato drew his lower lip into his mouth, biting at it slightly before eventually murmuring, "I just meant that I want you to want me."

"Why, though?" I asked. "I mean, like you said, you have guys lining up to fuck you because you're so hot. So why do you need **me** to want you, too?"

"Because I don't **want** those other guys," Yamato said. "I mean—I **do** , in the moment, but… well, you're the only one I **always** want. The one I think about when I'm in bed with all those other guys."

His confession sucked the breath out of me, and I swallowed a lump in my suddenly dry throat.

"You think about me while you're having sex with other guys?" I echoed in disbelief.

Yamato traced the bars of the railing on the steps. "Yeah," he said quietly, avoiding my eyes.

"I didn't know."

"I know."

I tried to gather my thoughts. This was sounding less and less like Yamato wanted me solely out of lustful reasons. And he had just admitted to wanting me more than anyone else. So what was there to stop me from telling him the truth; that I wanted him more than anyone, too?

My own fear, that was what. It was time to stop being a coward.

"Yama…" I took a deep breath. "It's not that I don't want you."

Yamato looked up from where he was still fingering the metal bars. His expression was laced with confusion, and he studied my face for a few moments before saying, slowly, "So you… **do** want to fuck me."

I nodded.

Yamato laughed in slight surprise and then, shaking his head, asked incredulously—and with a hint of irritation that I couldn't blame him for—, "The why have you been going out of your way to tell me, over and over, that you **don't**?"

"Because I didn't want to complicate things," I said, which was true.

"Why would that complicate things? I want to fuck you, too. It's the most **un** -complicated thing ever."

"Yeah, but I don't just want to fuck you," I confessed. "I want to be with you, Yama. I want to be the **only** guy you're with."

"Be with me, like…" Yamato took a tiny step closer. "Be my boyfriend?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Be my boyfriend."

I looked up in surprise. Yamato's gaze was shy, eager, and anxious all in one.

"You want me to be your boyfriend?" I asked in surprise.

"Tai, I told you that you're my ideal guy," Yamato said impatiently. "Why on earth **wouldn't** I want you to be my boyfriend?"

"I don't know… you said almost," I said sheepishly with a shrug.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because my ideal guy has to want to fuck me. Idiot," he added.

"So…" I couldn't stop the grin on my face that was widening more and more by the second. "I'm really your perfect guy."

"Yes, Mr. My-ego-is-about-to-explode." Yamato grinned, too.

I began to tug him down for a kiss, but halfway a thought occurred to me and I stopped. Yamato blinked at me, not having expected me to stop before our lips met, and he tilted his head at me.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is that you just sucked Shin's dick," I said truthfully. I wanted to kiss Yamato more than anything at that moment, but seriously, he had had his mouth on Shin's cock ten minutes prior. I'm not a squeamish person, but there was no way I wanted to taste another guy's dick on the lips of the person I was kissing.

Yamato wrinkled his nose and moved away from me. "Fuck, that **is** kind of gross. Sorry," he apologized belatedly, and then let out a sheepish laugh before shaking his head. "How the hell can you want to date me? I told you about my fucking STD, you've heard all my sex stories, you saw me sucking another guy's dick…"

I shrugged. "STDs happen. And I know how many dicks you've sucked anyway. It's just that I don't particularly want to get someone else's dick cooties."

"Ew," Yamato practically squealed, throwing his head back and laughing. "Oh my God, dick cooties. That's disgusting."

I couldn't help but laugh, too. "It really is." I stood up and took Yamato's hand in mine. "Let's go home so you can, like, brush your teeth or something."

It was probably the most unromantic moment ever documented, but it had still been the happiest moment of my life.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**


End file.
